Do you want deeper connection with those around you? Start with yourself.

I have recently been connecting with people who say that they want deep connections with the people in their lives. I know that I want this for myself. I want to really SEE the people around me, to know who they are: to hear the good, the bad, the beautiful. I decided to manifest other people into my life who wanted the same things. I have met a few people who also crave this deep soul connection, or so their words told me. The moment that they didn't like something that I had to say or if they felt I was being negative of them, they cut our acquaintance off. This really got me reflecting inwards. This is the type of behaviour that I used to portray all the time, but I realised that I don't do it as often anymore and I wondered why. I realise that it is because I love myself now. People can put me down and it even hurts but I can easily bounce back because I know that even with those flaws, I am a beautiful woman who genuinely wants the best for everyone around her. I wonder if these gorgeous, adorable, talented, interesting people that I met know that about themselves? We all have skills and weaknesses. By truly knowing these about ourselves, yet loving ourselves anyway we can have a wonderful life. 

I was recently at school with my wee 5 year old foster brother. It was writing time and the young girl beside him was having some trouble with her writing. She was doing everything she could to engage me in conversation because she was feeling bad about not being able to write very well. It broke my heart that she was even worried about this. It is my personal belief that children shouldn't even learn this until about the age of seven. Read with them and allow their brains to naturally see the patterning in the words and then they will be able to write with ease and confidence rather than struggling with 'not being good enough'. But I digress, I am good at that ;) When she asked about X's inability to write I decided that would be a good teaching moment. I explained that perhaps he would never be able to write and that was okay, because he had lots of other skills and talents and is loved deeply anyway. I then went on to ask her what SHE was good at. Now I wont go into detail as I live in a small town and it may be identifying information, however, when she started to tell me, her entire face lit up and I could see her relax. Isn't THIS the state that we should be in? In love with ourselves and the people around us??? It really comes back to loving ourselves and helping others around us to love themselves and perhaps those deep connections will occur naturally. This is my hope anyway, because I do still crave deeper connections. Do you? Or would you rather stay safe in the shallow 

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My first LO from the February Crazy Monday Kit. It is about half kit and half stash. I love it! The texture is awesome. I even used some of the tissue paper packaging so bonus points for that! It has deep and meaningful journalling, a photo I love and paper. This is scrapbooking nirvana to me! I have it displayed up on my studio shelf.

I love the journey that I am on. I love the growth that I am experiencing. Yes, it can be hard, but it is always worth it! The way that I view the world has changed dramatically and I will never, ever be the same again. Through various avenues, such as the ISCA, the internet and the various books and audio books I've devoured, my mind has expanded to the possibilities that life can bring.

I am currently listening to Paulo Coelho's 'The Zahir' and it is really making me question so very much. I am questioning relationships, co-dependency and it's destruction in our society. Questioning if I can release the need to control someone and allowing someone to control me Questioning the need to be married or even if I want to bond myself to another human being? Do I even need to have a boyfriend to express myself physically or is a lover what I require? Are affairs bad? Is monogomy the way to go? All I know for certain is that being honest and expressing myself is the key. The key to my soul, to my desires, to life. And that's enough.

There is change occurring, so much change. Through all this exploration of my soul and discovery of my beliefs, I feel more authentic and alive than I ever have before and I love it.

I tend to get into a rut when it comes to scrapbooking. I use the things I love only or I buy a whole lot of things at once and don't get to use them. I played along with creating counterfeit kits for a while and that was awesome but I also wanted someone to do some of the work for me. I decided to try Crazy Monday Kits for a three-month trial to see if that works for me. I will add in bits and pieces of my stash to try and stretch the kit and create a balance of new things and things my authentic style. I want to scrapbook and make cards etc a LOT more often. My goal is to use up the kit each month or at least use up a kits-worth of stuff. We'll see how I go! 

The February Kit.
See here for a different view.

It is gorgeous. I love the femininity of the kit, although I would have only bought a few of the pieces if left to my own devices.

I am not sure how I will go with the embellishments. I am not really a flower girl. There are many people that create gorgeous, detailed layouts with lots of flowers on them, I call them the 'Prima Girls', but I am not one of them. The flowers are too deep dimensionally for me. I love texture on my layouts, but I like them to easily fit into my albums without getting squashed too! Thankfully I have no issue shoving them on cards and sending them off ;) I may even do an off-the-page project. Time will tell.

The key is to set up a regular scrapbook time. I am meant to be having a Tuesday night date with a couple of ladies so I shall endeavour to create at least one layout a week and ideally several cards (but that might be pushing it a touch LOL).

A few days ago, I was told by someone new in my life that he felt my compliments to him were “phony and manipulative”. Of course, I immediately thought this to not only be false but completely opposite to how I see myself. I am a nice person. I love to pay compliments. Nothing makes people's day more than a genuine compliment. I learnt this years ago when I was working in retail. Never, ever lie to a customer and say that something looks good on them when it doesn't. Vibrationally they pick up on this and it undermines their confidence in you. Use discretion and tact, but never lie about how you feel. Instead focus on what DOES work and compliment them on that. You are more likely to gain their trust and they will become repeat customers and if not, as least you can feel good about yourself. I then started implementing this in my personal life. It was difficult at first but with practise, it is now second nature. I try to give everyone I see at least one genuine compliment. It is not a difficult task to do, like someone's handbag? Tell them. Someone has a gorgeous smile? Tell them. You really like the way somebody speaks with passion and conviction? Tell them. I have been practising this for many years now and most people respond very positively to it. Human beings are a pack animal after all, we crave acceptance from the people around us. I was very proud of this aspect of my personality and shocked that someone would not only not like it but respond with feelings that I was being phony and manipulative. Now I could have just written this person off as having 'low self esteem' and 'unable to accept compliments'. I could have justified my beliefs and tried to convince them that I was doing the right thing. In all honesty I did try to justify my beliefs in my response to them. But I don't want to sit in judgement, what right do I have to say why they felt this way, it would merely be a guess as I cannot read minds. Justification allowed me the temporary belief that I was not 'in the wrong'. However, I had a really strong reaction to this statement. When this happens in my life, I feel that I owe it to myself to explore why. It is the difficult things in life that allow us to grow the most after all. After a day of ruminating on this concept I have come up with a few ideas. Is being nice manipulating others? When I think of others in my life that are 'too nice' I see people who are mega people-pleasers. They will do whatever it takes to be liked. Is this a form of manipulation? I will do X so that you will like me? It IS playing with people's emotions a little, I agree. I wanted to date the person who made this statement. Was I paying him compliments in order for him to like me? Highly likely. Is this manipulation however? I believe deep down inside we are all scared little children who believe we are not 'good enough'. I believe that compliments, when giving genuinely, slowly move us into a place of self-confidence and belief in our abilities. I want to continue to do this. I believe in it so very strongly. And, yes, I DO get a feeling of pride that I do this, so it is self-serving too. I strongly believe in win/win scenarios. I think that I need to ruminate on this a little more. Perhaps this is something that I will work on, perhaps not. Whatever the outcome, I am grateful for a man's honesty in sharing his feelings with me and I am proud of my ability to look past my hurt feelings and to try and find the lessons that are always present. I urge anyone who reads this to try to look past the hurt feelings. Listen to what the other person is saying. Evaluate what effect this has on you and decide if this is something about your life/personality that you wish to change. Life is too short to live a half life. I choose to do the hard work and I want to be the most authentic, fully emotionally developed ME that I can be. I really want the same for you x