I came across this photo in my box of photos to sort. As I looked at it, I realised that SO many things had changed from when this photo was taken. I thought February's Kit from Crazy Monday would work best with the pink in Kat's top and the love paper that was included. The bright blue paper, the shaped journalling box and the mists I added to help lift the colour of my top out of the picture as well. That way the two main people in the story were more prominent. I love capturing a different story from what is obvious in the photo. This was actually a farewell dinner as John and I had decided to leave Piha to move down to Otago. Pa came up as he had not visited our place yet and this would be his only chance. Kat, Llew, Pa, John and I had a fabulous dinner together. Everyone helped us sort through old things to pare down and also to pack. Pa bought a new van and took a load of our stuff back down south. In the end though, we decided to hire a moving company to come and pack us up and take everything down, rather than putting things in storage. It was a big decision to make in only a week. Still, it was the right one for us. Three and a half years later I am still here and John only just left a couple of weeks ago.
Ma is in her 60's and the papers that I had left in my kit felt very 'her'. I loved the colours and the feel of the papers. I also really wanted to add these textured flowers to the card as I knew that I didn't need to put it into an envelope as I was seeing her for lunch on her birthday.
Everything is from the kit, except the embroidery thread that I wrapped around the card. The stitching around the card and the thread was done to be seen on the inside to lift it up a little. I then added another sticker on the inside and doodled around it to personalise it. I like to write personal messages inside rather than the generic. As Ma is the full-time carer for a boy with developmental delays she rarely gets time to herself. As X has just started school at the end of last year, she is now getting a few hours five times a week to catch up on things that matter to her, like gardening. I haven't been able to help as much as I wanted to due to my poor health. I am now getting to the point where I can volunteer myself again as my strength and energy are returning. As John left not too long before Ma's birthday (after taking her out on a dinner date first) I got a 'quote' from him to add to the card so that he could be with her on the day too. Ma loved the card and we had an interesting time out for lunch.
When I saw the geo tag cut-apart I wanted to document a place. I then looked through my photos and saw this one of me taking a photo my brother Levi via Skype. Most of our relationship is conducted via Skype so I decided to document this aspect of our life again. In the geo tag I wrote both our physical locations (which I have blurred out for privacy reasons). I felt that the speech bubble paper was an excellent fit for this topic. I only added a few things from my stash. I am often really inspired by You Tube user MercyTiara and I watch all her videos. She has a signature style of outlining papers and elements and I felt it really fits in with MY style so I have been implementing it into a few of my Layouts. I love it so very much! It adds such a playful, whimsical feeling to this Layout and as Levi and I are always joking around and laughing it is a great match!
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My first LO from the February Crazy Monday Kit. It is about half kit and half stash. I love it! The texture is awesome. I even used some of the tissue paper packaging so bonus points for that! It has deep and meaningful journalling, a photo I love and paper. This is scrapbooking nirvana to me! I have it displayed up on my studio shelf.
I love the journey that I am on. I love the growth that I am experiencing. Yes, it can be hard, but it is always worth it! The way that I view the world has changed dramatically and I will never, ever be the same again. Through various avenues, such as the ISCA, the internet and the various books and audio books I've devoured, my mind has expanded to the possibilities that life can bring.
I am currently listening to Paulo Coelho's 'The Zahir' and it is really making me question so very much. I am questioning relationships, co-dependency and it's destruction in our society. Questioning if I can release the need to control someone and allowing someone to control me Questioning the need to be married or even if I want to bond myself to another human being? Do I even need to have a boyfriend to express myself physically or is a lover what I require? Are affairs bad? Is monogomy the way to go? All I know for certain is that being honest and expressing myself is the key. The key to my soul, to my desires, to life. And that's enough.
There is change occurring, so much change. Through all this exploration of my soul and discovery of my beliefs, I feel more authentic and alive than I ever have before and I love it.
In life there are many opportunities to grow, to become stronger and more in line with our values and authenticity. Recently I had one of these experiences. I am in the process of changing. I can feel it stirring inside me, even as I type this. In the past it was only in hindsight that I realised changes had taken place. I no longer have to wait months or even years to identify these life-changing moments. In the past I was needy, clingy and desperately seeking love, from any source. I have had several amazing relationships and I have grown from each and every one. Co-dependency is an issue that runs in my family. I think that women are often encouraged to be in the background making sure that their husbands and partners lives run smoothly. We are not encouraged to have friendships outside of the relationship. This would be seen as your husband not being enough for you and you wouldn't want to convey that, now would you? Well at least that was the impression I got from my role-models and all the fairy tales that I read. I have done a lot of work around this issue. The books 'Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus' by John Gray and 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman are two books that are on my essential reading list. They both cover being authentic in relationships and it was through these two books that I learnt to release my hold on these childhood beliefs and start investigating a new reality. A reality in which we acknowledge that men and women will never be enough for one another. We each have different needs and need to meet these needs with members of the same sex. Thus I began my journey to get back in touch with my feminine side.
I am growing into this femininity, it feels so strange after trying to conform to the standards of a predominately male world, but I continue the journey as it feels right and authentic. With these new guidelines in place, I decided a couple of months ago that I was ready to start dating again. I had gained a lot of knowledge, self-respect and confidence from the books I had read and from practicing these new skills with my (now-ex) finace. I had gained a friend in my ex but my heart wanted love. A man that would respect me and this journey that I am on. Someone that I could share myself with and to continue to develop skills alongside. I decided to wet my feet with friendships. I don't know many people in the area where I live after such a long time being confined due to illness. I wanted this to change. I learnt that it is vital to 'spread the load' so to speak and that it is not fair for one person to be your sole confidant and moral booster. I want to have a network of friends in place before I enter another serious relationship so I have joined a weekly board game club, I have started Laughter Yoga and I am trying to get in touch with people more regularly.
I didn't really expect to meet anyone that would be a 'Soulmate'. I just wanted upbeat positive people to spend my time with so I could continue to raise my vibration. I had a few friends that I wanted to stay in contact with but I also wanted to expand my horizons. I met one new friend who inspired me to finally take the plunge and become vegan. I really admire his commitment to health and his great knowledge in this area. I enjoy hanging out with him and the texts that we share. Life was becoming more like the place I envisioned, rather than the lonely single life that I had endured for a month before realising that I needed to do more. Then someone came into my life that I could imagine getting to know as more than a friend. The moment that I met this man, I felt that we were 'meant' to meet. I knew that we had at least a lesson to learn from one another. Despite my learning that men need space after meeting a woman in which to process their thoughts and feelings, I resorted to my previous state of fear that I had imagined the connection we had. I reached out and he reminded me that I had agreed to giving him his space. I could have chosen to be devastated and in all honesty, I shed a couple of tears. Then I shook myself off and realised that I could reframe this. He had clearly stated his boundaries. I had over-stepped them. He gently and lovingly shared his feelings and reminded me of our agreement. It was a very interesting lesson to learn after all.
Perhaps this is to be it, the only lesson I learn from this amazing man. It is early days of our acquaintance after all, but perhaps this is merely one of many. All I know, is that I am grateful for this reminder that life is a series of lessons and experiences. We can take each one either negatively or positively. Yes, it can take a lot of energy to reframe things. But it is worth it. In the past I would have been crying myself to sleep, now instead I have a huge grin on my face (and the desire to write). I am so very grateful for this 'mistake' that I made. We all need to fail and get back up. In doing this over and over we learn. We learn about ourselves and we learn about the world. I am proud to see that I am changing, that I will be better at boundaries and at relationships after this lesson. I really can't ask for anything else at this stage in the journey.
A recently engaged girl in her mid-thirties living and loving life as best she can. Passionate about health, art and personal development with a side order of getting organised. A business woman, a sexual authenticity coach and a mixed-media artist.