My first LO from the February Crazy Monday Kit. It is about half kit and half stash. I love it! The texture is awesome. I even used some of the tissue paper packaging so bonus points for that! It has deep and meaningful journalling, a photo I love and paper. This is scrapbooking nirvana to me! I have it displayed up on my studio shelf. I love the journey that I am on. I love the growth that I am experiencing. Yes, it can be hard, but it is always worth it! The way that I view the world has changed dramatically and I will never, ever be the same again. Through various avenues, such as the ISCA, the internet and the various books and audio books I've devoured, my mind has expanded to the possibilities that life can bring.
I am currently listening to Paulo Coelho's 'The Zahir' and it is really making me question so very much. I am questioning relationships, co-dependency and it's destruction in our society. Questioning if I can release the need to control someone and allowing someone to control me Questioning the need to be married or even if I want to bond myself to another human being? Do I even need to have a boyfriend to express myself physically or is a lover what I require? Are affairs bad? Is monogomy the way to go? All I know for certain is that being honest and expressing myself is the key. The key to my soul, to my desires, to life. And that's enough. There is change occurring, so much change. Through all this exploration of my soul and discovery of my beliefs, I feel more authentic and alive than I ever have before and I love it.
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I tend to get into a rut when it comes to scrapbooking. I use the things I love only or I buy a whole lot of things at once and don't get to use them. I played along with creating counterfeit kits for a while and that was awesome but I also wanted someone to do some of the work for me. I decided to try Crazy Monday Kits for a three-month trial to see if that works for me. I will add in bits and pieces of my stash to try and stretch the kit and create a balance of new things and things my authentic style. I want to scrapbook and make cards etc a LOT more often. My goal is to use up the kit each month or at least use up a kits-worth of stuff. We'll see how I go! The February Kit. See here for a different view. It is gorgeous. I love the femininity of the kit, although I would have only bought a few of the pieces if left to my own devices. I am not sure how I will go with the embellishments. I am not really a flower girl. There are many people that create gorgeous, detailed layouts with lots of flowers on them, I call them the 'Prima Girls', but I am not one of them. The flowers are too deep dimensionally for me. I love texture on my layouts, but I like them to easily fit into my albums without getting squashed too! Thankfully I have no issue shoving them on cards and sending them off ;) I may even do an off-the-page project. Time will tell. The key is to set up a regular scrapbook time. I am meant to be having a Tuesday night date with a couple of ladies so I shall endeavour to create at least one layout a week and ideally several cards (but that might be pushing it a touch LOL). A few days ago, I was told by someone new in my life that he felt my compliments to him were “phony and manipulative”. Of course, I immediately thought this to not only be false but completely opposite to how I see myself. I am a nice person. I love to pay compliments. Nothing makes people's day more than a genuine compliment. I learnt this years ago when I was working in retail. Never, ever lie to a customer and say that something looks good on them when it doesn't. Vibrationally they pick up on this and it undermines their confidence in you. Use discretion and tact, but never lie about how you feel. Instead focus on what DOES work and compliment them on that. You are more likely to gain their trust and they will become repeat customers and if not, as least you can feel good about yourself. I then started implementing this in my personal life. It was difficult at first but with practise, it is now second nature. I try to give everyone I see at least one genuine compliment. It is not a difficult task to do, like someone's handbag? Tell them. Someone has a gorgeous smile? Tell them. You really like the way somebody speaks with passion and conviction? Tell them. I have been practising this for many years now and most people respond very positively to it. Human beings are a pack animal after all, we crave acceptance from the people around us. I was very proud of this aspect of my personality and shocked that someone would not only not like it but respond with feelings that I was being phony and manipulative. Now I could have just written this person off as having 'low self esteem' and 'unable to accept compliments'. I could have justified my beliefs and tried to convince them that I was doing the right thing. In all honesty I did try to justify my beliefs in my response to them. But I don't want to sit in judgement, what right do I have to say why they felt this way, it would merely be a guess as I cannot read minds. Justification allowed me the temporary belief that I was not 'in the wrong'. However, I had a really strong reaction to this statement. When this happens in my life, I feel that I owe it to myself to explore why. It is the difficult things in life that allow us to grow the most after all. After a day of ruminating on this concept I have come up with a few ideas. Is being nice manipulating others? When I think of others in my life that are 'too nice' I see people who are mega people-pleasers. They will do whatever it takes to be liked. Is this a form of manipulation? I will do X so that you will like me? It IS playing with people's emotions a little, I agree. I wanted to date the person who made this statement. Was I paying him compliments in order for him to like me? Highly likely. Is this manipulation however? I believe deep down inside we are all scared little children who believe we are not 'good enough'. I believe that compliments, when giving genuinely, slowly move us into a place of self-confidence and belief in our abilities. I want to continue to do this. I believe in it so very strongly. And, yes, I DO get a feeling of pride that I do this, so it is self-serving too. I strongly believe in win/win scenarios. I think that I need to ruminate on this a little more. Perhaps this is something that I will work on, perhaps not. Whatever the outcome, I am grateful for a man's honesty in sharing his feelings with me and I am proud of my ability to look past my hurt feelings and to try and find the lessons that are always present. I urge anyone who reads this to try to look past the hurt feelings. Listen to what the other person is saying. Evaluate what effect this has on you and decide if this is something about your life/personality that you wish to change. Life is too short to live a half life. I choose to do the hard work and I want to be the most authentic, fully emotionally developed ME that I can be. I really want the same for you x
In life there are many opportunities to grow, to become stronger and more in line with our values and authenticity. Recently I had one of these experiences. I am in the process of changing. I can feel it stirring inside me, even as I type this. In the past it was only in hindsight that I realised changes had taken place. I no longer have to wait months or even years to identify these life-changing moments. In the past I was needy, clingy and desperately seeking love, from any source. I have had several amazing relationships and I have grown from each and every one. Co-dependency is an issue that runs in my family. I think that women are often encouraged to be in the background making sure that their husbands and partners lives run smoothly. We are not encouraged to have friendships outside of the relationship. This would be seen as your husband not being enough for you and you wouldn't want to convey that, now would you? Well at least that was the impression I got from my role-models and all the fairy tales that I read. I have done a lot of work around this issue. The books 'Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus' by John Gray and 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman are two books that are on my essential reading list. They both cover being authentic in relationships and it was through these two books that I learnt to release my hold on these childhood beliefs and start investigating a new reality. A reality in which we acknowledge that men and women will never be enough for one another. We each have different needs and need to meet these needs with members of the same sex. Thus I began my journey to get back in touch with my feminine side.
I am growing into this femininity, it feels so strange after trying to conform to the standards of a predominately male world, but I continue the journey as it feels right and authentic. With these new guidelines in place, I decided a couple of months ago that I was ready to start dating again. I had gained a lot of knowledge, self-respect and confidence from the books I had read and from practicing these new skills with my (now-ex) finace. I had gained a friend in my ex but my heart wanted love. A man that would respect me and this journey that I am on. Someone that I could share myself with and to continue to develop skills alongside. I decided to wet my feet with friendships. I don't know many people in the area where I live after such a long time being confined due to illness. I wanted this to change. I learnt that it is vital to 'spread the load' so to speak and that it is not fair for one person to be your sole confidant and moral booster. I want to have a network of friends in place before I enter another serious relationship so I have joined a weekly board game club, I have started Laughter Yoga and I am trying to get in touch with people more regularly. I didn't really expect to meet anyone that would be a 'Soulmate'. I just wanted upbeat positive people to spend my time with so I could continue to raise my vibration. I had a few friends that I wanted to stay in contact with but I also wanted to expand my horizons. I met one new friend who inspired me to finally take the plunge and become vegan. I really admire his commitment to health and his great knowledge in this area. I enjoy hanging out with him and the texts that we share. Life was becoming more like the place I envisioned, rather than the lonely single life that I had endured for a month before realising that I needed to do more. Then someone came into my life that I could imagine getting to know as more than a friend. The moment that I met this man, I felt that we were 'meant' to meet. I knew that we had at least a lesson to learn from one another. Despite my learning that men need space after meeting a woman in which to process their thoughts and feelings, I resorted to my previous state of fear that I had imagined the connection we had. I reached out and he reminded me that I had agreed to giving him his space. I could have chosen to be devastated and in all honesty, I shed a couple of tears. Then I shook myself off and realised that I could reframe this. He had clearly stated his boundaries. I had over-stepped them. He gently and lovingly shared his feelings and reminded me of our agreement. It was a very interesting lesson to learn after all. Perhaps this is to be it, the only lesson I learn from this amazing man. It is early days of our acquaintance after all, but perhaps this is merely one of many. All I know, is that I am grateful for this reminder that life is a series of lessons and experiences. We can take each one either negatively or positively. Yes, it can take a lot of energy to reframe things. But it is worth it. In the past I would have been crying myself to sleep, now instead I have a huge grin on my face (and the desire to write). I am so very grateful for this 'mistake' that I made. We all need to fail and get back up. In doing this over and over we learn. We learn about ourselves and we learn about the world. I am proud to see that I am changing, that I will be better at boundaries and at relationships after this lesson. I really can't ask for anything else at this stage in the journey. |
Allie AtkinsonA recently engaged girl in her mid-thirties living and loving life as best she can. Passionate about health, art and personal development with a side order of getting organised. A business woman, a sexual authenticity coach and a mixed-media artist. Archives
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